Now I am not the one who believes in fate and I detest astrology to the core. But I do read it whenever I come across it, to laugh it away. My forecast in today's Hindustan Times is freakishly close to what I am actually planning to do in the next week.
This week is full of major changes in professional and personal situations. Values, priorities and attitudes are likely to be transformed. A residential change or redecoration project gets underway. Your work culture and routines are likely to change and accomodate more time for relaxing breaks. One change seems to trigger off another and you adopt and new fitness regimes. An unexpected health problem that surfaces brings acute awareness of body and well being. You may finally change your lifestyle and not indulge in heavy food, drink and late night parties frequently. There is likely to be spiritual growth, which involves some pain and letting go. It's best to go through fire, look at truths and come out purified like gold with superficiality and lies burnt away. You are on committal course towards progressive change and there is no looking back.
I shall revisit this blog post again next week to figure out if this turned out to be true or not.
RJ's Reflection: Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it.
Fuck the Auto & Taxi Drivers , taking you for a ride every single time, charging twice of what has to be charged and smiling at me behind my back with their beetle stained teeth.
Fuck the beggars and the eunuchs at every signal in the city. No, I don't want my car cleaned, no I don't want to pity you. Go. Get a fucking job!
Fuck the outsiders, Yeah, fuck every single of you. Taking up my space, crowding my trains, peeing on my walls. Fucking Terrorists. Get the FUCK Out.
Fuck the Page 3 party types with their trendy clothes and their air kisses and their "back less top wearing-Substance Abusing, Non sense spewing, anorexic Girl Friends. Get a FUCKING Room.
Fuck the Dalal Street brokers. Assholes trying to control every one of our lives. We put our fucking savings on you fucktards. Send all those bastards for fucking life! You think the government didn't know about Satyam? Give me a fucking Break!
Fuck the city underworld sitting in a dance bar, sniffing flowers off their whore's wrists. Sniff my Fucking ASS! Go back where you fucking came from.
Fuck the bollywood has been townie starlet with their Louis Vuitton bags and Armani outfits. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart!
Fuck the corrupt cops with their fucking hand in some girl’s pants, and another with our hard earned money. We are afraid of you, you fuckers!
Fuck the media for blowing everything out of fucking proportion and making a whorehouse of the industry. Move the Fuck On!
Fuck the BMC for promising us better roads and transport every single day. That’s my tax money you are putting in your fucking pants asshole. Fuck Shanghai. Don’t make us a fucking Sierra Leone.
Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Alqueda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal, Black ass!
Fuck the people around me, judging me every single minute of my existence. I am Like THIS. Get over it.
Fuck the girls in my life, I gave them my trust and they stabbed me back, Sold me the river. Fucking Bitches.
Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the pent houses of Marine Lines to the shanties on Dharavi. From the bunglows in Juhu to the apartments in Borivali. From the chawls in Dadar to the 2 BHKS in Thane. Let an earthquake crumble it. Let the fires rage. Let it burn to fucking ash then let the waters rise and submerge this whole, rat-infested place.
RJ: No. No, fuck you, RJ. You had it all and then you threw it away, you dumb fuck!
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, Blue skies from pain. Can you tell a green field From a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?
There is this person, I know. A person who I see daily, actually. Well almost daily. Some say that we are friends, some say that we are much more than friends, while others say that we are not even friends and just pretend to be friends. I shall leave that analysis to you, because frankly, it doesn't matter.
Every person has a name, right? So just for the sake of ease of story telling, let's give this person a name and call this person P. Nice, I like the sound of that name. I think I should call my kid P or rather I stick to naming my offspring Seven. Yeah Yeah, I know that the idea for that name is borrowed from George Costanza in Seinfeld, but I still like the sound of the name and I think I will stick to Seven rather than P. Oh Right, this story is about P and not the idea of stupid names for my offspring(s). My Apologies.
Sooooo..... coming back to P. First points first, significance of the Floyd song at the beginning of the post? Like all Floyd songs, every listener has his/her own interpretation of their song and this one is no different. "Wish you were here" for me is more about a person who is lost in his own little world / bubble and is completely disillusioned about the world around him / her. P is very much like that person. I wouldn't say that P is completely disillusioned but yeah, P kind of lives in P's own world. Nothing wrong with that, but it gets on your nerve after a point of time. I mean there is only so much that you can hear about how great P is. Sigh.
Moving on, P is just like any other 25 year old you might know who still thinks, acts like he / she is 12. Yes, I can see all of you guys nodding knowingly. P is just like that person you might have thought of. Loud, Annoying, Irritating, Unreasonable, Stubborn, Obstinate, inconsiderate, restless, cold-blooded, snobbish, selfish, self centered, FoodLoving-NonStoptalking-MinthunWorshipping-BGradeMovieSongs-loving-alwaysbroke kind of 25 year old. Honestly, just between you and me, I hated P the day I met P. I thought P was your typical Andheri (W) suburb bred wannabe snob. After knowing P a little better, I was proud of the fact that I was right about P the first time. J
My first impressions about P, as mentioned previously were very very poor. P is not the kind of person I would usually hang out with. I wouldn’t want to be caught dead with a person like that. In fact P was exactly the kind of person I hated and detested from the bottom of my heart. P went against my every little known perception of what I like in a friend and I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that I would even want to talk to P, let alone letting P become a very important part in my life. But like every pathetically bad movie that you have seen before, THAT is exactly what happened.
P and I started talking to each other. Slowly the first week. Professionally the 2nd week. From 3rd week onwards we were like two friends lost at kumbh mela and re united after a break of 20 years. SMSs, phone calls, coffees and lunches followed apart from spending a significant part of the day in each others company. It was like we were again in college, doing 'time pass' the whole day. To be honest, I enjoyed every little second of that.
Many intense talks were had hence. P did the talking most of the times. I usually nodded my head, either in approval or denial. Those are the only inputs I could ever give because P didn't let anyone else talk. In those rare moments when I got a small opportunity to talk, P never listened and it was like "Blowing a trumpet in front of a buffalo" in other words "Bhains ke aage been bajana". Whatever I said was either ignored or nodded at sympathetically, never listened. Well, P was like that and I had no option but to leave with it. I would have typed a snippet of our conversation here, but then that would make me look really stupid. Can't take that risk.
Anyways, years of watching crappy Bollywood movies have taught me one thing. Things always get bad around the interval and THAT is exactly what happened. In approximately 2 years that I have known P, we have not spoken to each other for around 8 months. Right. 8 whole months. Sometimes I wonder where would we have been if we spoke for those 8 months. We probably would have fought some more. Most of the times our egos that clashed and made a mess of everything, other times it was just P's stupidity. Our fights usually ended with me taking the higher ground and talking to P. Our last fight was a classic case of a stupid joke/prank gone bad. I, as usual taking the higher ground, tried to break the ice. I probably think that this would define whatever 'relation' that we shared. Like I said earlier, my dear reader, the analysis is left to you.
Me - 'Do we really have to fight like this always?' P - 'Do you always have to talk to me when you realize it's time for me to go?'
Right, It's time for P to go now. Probably for ever and as you might have guessed this is a post dedicated to P. In fact it is P's farewell gift (You guys know me by now, I am C.H.E.A.P)
P, I know you will read this (I am going to make you read this). Wipe that tear off from your eyes. It was great knowing you and it was wonderful wasting all that time with you. I have to say it was worth everything. I hope you get all the happiness in the world and all the success too. Hope that you have a wonderful, wonderful life ahead of you, because Hey! It’s a wonderful world. Ooooo yeaaaaaah.
If there is one thing that I have been lucky in life with, then it has to be the people who surround me. My folks, my friends, the 'special' people, my colleagues, my boss. Every single person in my my life has been one in a million. The people have been totally responsible for shaping me into the person I am.
In every step taken in life there always was someone who was there for me, supporting my every step, correcting my every step and ensuring that I reach my goal. Different people have dipped into various roles like philosopher, guide, teacher, friend, army general, business consultant, analyst, parent, strict parent, nagging wife, or whatever else was required by me at that crucial mode in life. My life has been testimony for the fact that, touchwood, things have turned out OK. Everything is in moderation and even though I am just about managing to scrape through life, there are no complaints and a strange level of peace and tranquility is maintained, always.
For this, I only have the people around me to thank for. Problem is, I think I took them for granted. Didn't really give them the due that they deserved and basically took advantage of the knowledge that I knew they will be there for me, no matter what. You know who you all are and Thanks a ton for being there for me, being there with me. This a holler out to everyone out there who has been a part of my life and God bless you in whatever endeavours you set out to achieve.
They have always been around and have never for once made me feel bad about myself and have always made me feel like I am the best thing around. I always felt great around these people and maybe, just maybe they were unintentionally trying to screen the truth from me.
The Truth has flashed before me in a terrible way and has jolted me out of my normal being. I have never thought of myself as bad person, in fact apart from the usual vices I thought that I am one of those "Nice" guys who always finished last. Well yes, I do finish last, but apparently I am not nice anymore.
Some of the words that were thrown at me by multiple people (not to be mistaken with the people I mentioned before, these people DO NOT MATTER).
I have many times looked down upon tons of people who were defined by the above mentioned words, It has never occurred to me that somebody else could do the same to me. Like I said before, what people think does not matter to me, But what if I really am some of the stuff mentioned above? Is it a true analysis of who I am or is it just something they said in a fit of rage or did I intentionally behave like that in front of them to get rid of them?
I have no answers for those and my friends, you have to tell me, do I in anyway exhibit any of the qualities mentioned above? Drop in a word and let me know. Am I really that bad?
It's been One Year, One year since the last post, One year since I made some promises, One year since my heart was broken, One year since I said that I will make massive changes, One year since the now famous (30 Things) post and One year to have been exactly in the same place where I started One year back.
In short, nothing much has changed over the past one year and yet so much has changed. I know, I know this doesn't make sense at all, but then again nothing much has been making sense around anyways. Honestly speaking, I am not sure. In fact a LOT has happened over the last one year, obviously a lot has to happen.. 365 days of non-happening can only be achieved if there is a nuclear holocaust or if all alcohol joints are banned in the country. Thankfully it doesn't look like either of the two will happen in the days to come.
What was I saying again? Alright, Basically, I am not trying to say anything. Nay Nay, in fact what I am trying to say is that..hmm... errr... DAMN. I don't know what I am trying to say. Damn you rat-race life, You have taken away the power to communicate and express from you. Damn You. GOD DAMN YOU.
I have been in a "I-HATE-MY-LIFE-BACK-HERE-IN-THE-CITY" mode for quite some time now. Reason? I have become a pahdi (Person inhabiting the mountains). I finally did a bike trip across the Leh - Ladakh region (Yeaaaaaaaaa! My first in the list of 30 things to do) and it was the best thing to have happened to me in a long, long, loooooooooong time.
No words, no pictures can ever do justice to that place and can never ever explain what I actually felt there. It was almost like Nirvana. The clarity of thought and mind achieved there is unmatched. It's just you, your bike and the long winding road of the Kumrakarom Mountain range, Day in, day out. If there is ever a higher state of mind to be achieved, it has not yet been found. No wonder every spiritual person always wants to settle in the Himalayas, There is so much spiritualism in those mountains that you come out of it becoming a stronger then ever believer of the Supreme. It is MAGICAL.
Again, sorry for the non-sense that I am spewing. There are so many things currently going on in my mind and life that they are bound to come out like a huge god damn mess.
Anyways, What I experienced in the mountains :-
1.) EXTREME clarity of thought. Thoughts in your mind would never have been more sorted.
2.) Understand what really is important to you. Things, People, Food, everything.
3.) Feel connected with the nature and the universe. Because out there you really do feel like a part of the environment and feel one with the surroundings.
4.) Come back with the knowledge that it is important to just keep going forwards. Road Blocks will come, in plenty. It is of utmost importance to keep a huge eye on the destination and keep going forward.
5.) Fun completely has a new definition. You don't really need to be drunk beyond your senses or be completely stoned to have fun.
Damn, I have started sounding like a 40 year old gyan guru. I need to stop.
Please bear with me, after a year of non-writing, this is the best that I could come up with. You can check out some snaps from our trip
here - http://www.flickr.com/photos/turtledezine/
and here - http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=cdf7d7f229815d08&sid=2AZtGjlo1ZsmFJ
Name: rj Home: Mumbai About Me: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? See my complete profile
